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First: Political Fact
The
Government may well withdraw all funding from concerts involving large
scale orchestral works 'because of their carbon footprint' and some
pieces could even be banned. Mainly at issue is the amount of CO2
produced by woodwind, brass and choirs in works which are being dubbed
the Sloane Masseys of the concert platform. The money saved, they say,
could be spent on Sport. Future Arts funding (if Arts funding
continues) could be directed only towards string ensembles and, to help
counteract global warming, the National Youth Orchestra could become
The National Viola Ensemble.
But arts pressure groups like 'Save The Planets', 'Friends of Das Leid' and 'Greig Piece' claim that sporting events produce many times the CO2 produced by concerts and that the carbon footprint of the 2012 Olympics will be greater than that of all concerts since 1750.
The government have commissioned Sir Toadsleigh Whitewash, with a long and distinguished O Level in Physics, to produce a report proving them right. Arts groups, however, fear that the Whitewash Report will be a complete Hutton, merely blaming the B.B.C. Symphony Orchestra for disappearing Amazonian rain forests.
But do concerts have an impact on the environment?
Well, a recent survey reported no badgers at all within a 300 metre radius of the Festival Hall and no badgers worth mentioning within a similar distance of the Albert Hall.
The government is confident that the Whitewash Report will find in its favour. "We're paying for it, after all." said a spokesman.
After admitting the massive impact on global warming of building the Olympic Village, he went on to say, "But once it's built, we can have an Olympics whenever we want to, and if foreigners can't afford to keep coming, we'll win more Gold Medals."
But arts pressure groups like 'Save The Planets', 'Friends of Das Leid' and 'Greig Piece' claim that sporting events produce many times the CO2 produced by concerts and that the carbon footprint of the 2012 Olympics will be greater than that of all concerts since 1750.
The government have commissioned Sir Toadsleigh Whitewash, with a long and distinguished O Level in Physics, to produce a report proving them right. Arts groups, however, fear that the Whitewash Report will be a complete Hutton, merely blaming the B.B.C. Symphony Orchestra for disappearing Amazonian rain forests.
But do concerts have an impact on the environment?
Well, a recent survey reported no badgers at all within a 300 metre radius of the Festival Hall and no badgers worth mentioning within a similar distance of the Albert Hall.
The government is confident that the Whitewash Report will find in its favour. "We're paying for it, after all." said a spokesman.
After admitting the massive impact on global warming of building the Olympic Village, he went on to say, "But once it's built, we can have an Olympics whenever we want to, and if foreigners can't afford to keep coming, we'll win more Gold Medals."
Next:
Duffchops Comment:
| Old
Duffer Says: I have always thought that physical exercise produces excessive CO2 and that all sporting activities should be banned. When I see people out jogging, I think of the extra pollution their lungs are emitting compared with mine. Sitting in the Duffchops dot Com private jet, sipping my glass of "Cotes de Roofayamouth 1975 a half case" I congratulate myself on how green my lifestyle is. Are concerts as bad as sports? Who Knows? Innovative manufacturers of brass instruments are already experimenting with catalytic converters and I personally think that athletes should wear these over their mouths. I did, however, hear an interesting item on Radio 4's 'Today' Programme this morning, suggesting that, instead of controlling their own carbon emissions, wealthy countries should pay third world countries to control theirs. This got me thinking that, like the situation relating to E.U. farmers and their fallow fields, Brass Players should be payed to sit at home and not play. This is very similar to the private scheme that I am running at the moment, except that I don't get paid. I am ready to negotiate with the government department for Culture, Media and SPORT, but I get so much pleasure from playing in concerts that I would have to receive quite generous sums to persuade me to just sit at home. O.D. |